I Hate That I Love You
by Sarah Myller
Summary: That's the true reason why I hated her in the first place.Not because she kissed my boyfriend, or cause she was too nice.It's cause I felt..something towards her. And how dare her do that! How dare her appear out of nowhere and then take my breath away?


**Hey. I'm new here and I just wrote this story that wasn't meant to be published so I'm sorry if I make any mistakes or whatever. Just thoght I would do something with it. I hope it's not bad.**

Life is like a roller coester. It has its ups and downs. It can be perfect yet it can be very difficult. Sometimes it takes twists. Unexpected twists. And then, as you eat lunch next to your handsome boyfriend, you realize that something you never thought was possible happened. And you hate it. Well, welcome to my life. Or, as it should be called, hell.

Here I am, in my boyfriend's arms, wishing I was in someone else's. I'm just not interested in Beck. I don't really know when it hit me, that I don't have any romantic feelings towards my boyfriend. It just did, and I absolutely hate it. I hate it all.

We are sitting at our table, having lunch, and his arm is there. It just feels boring. But yet, I pretend like it's nothing . Like I can feel the heat. But I won't lie to myself anymore. I know I can't.

It's unfair, but life is unfair. Don't get me wrong; I still love him. I really do. But more like a friend. I'm not in love with him.

"So, do you wanna go to the movies tonight?" He whispers in my ear, with that smirk that should make me melt.. It doesn't affect me.

"Can't." I say harshly. Oh well, he's used to it.

He frowns a bit, and I want so badly to feel bad for him. But I just don't.

And then , she walks in our direction. She's talking to Cat, pushing a strand of hair away from her face, and I can't help but find it very sexy.

Yeah... I'm in love with Tori Vega. Tori freaking Vega! I don't know when it happened, I don't know why, but I just can't deny it anymore.

I should hate her.

The first time I saw Tori, rubbing my boyfriend, I felt like I wanted to kill her. I mean, who did she think she was, touching MY boyfriend like that? And the way he was looking at her, made me even madder. I thought she was gonna steal him from me. Then I called her a dog and spilled coffe all over her head. I won. She ran away. I won. But why did I feel like I lost?

Next day, to my surprise she was back. I was impressed that she actually got me back. No one had ever done that before. But besides that, I knew there was something different about her. Something that at the time, I couldn't quite put a finger on.

After a while, she did that 'bird scene', and I saw how talented she was. It annoyed the heck out of me. I knew she could sing, but I didn't know she could also act. It made me extremely mad. But the true reason why I was mad was because her talent made me feel… attracted to her. Yeah… I was screwed.

I mean, she was a girl. A girl, not a guy. Girls are supposed to like guys. That's the way it should be. So why was I getting those feelings? What did they mean? What the hell was worng with me? So I blamed her. It was all her fault. I never had had feelings toward girls. She was doing this, she had some kind of spell over me or something.

So I lost my Friday night to go to Hollywood Arts. I walked in, and there she was, taking her punishment. The one that I should have taken. My stomach dropped a little. She said she didn't want to fight anymore. But that's just how it had to be. We had to hate each other. I couldn't let her be nice, I couldn't be nice to her, cause I thought that would make the feelings I had grow into something bigger.

And after that night, just as I feared, my feelings for her increased. She wasn't just an annoying bratt, she was actually a nice, caring person.

Everything just got worse when Beck rejected me. I couldn't not be dating Beck. He was like, the safe option. Maybe even a mask, to cover up how I really felt. I was just not ready to take off that mask. I turned to her for help. I told myself it was because she was the only one in our group that wasn't mentaly retarded, but I knew I just wanted to spend time with her. And she helped me, again proving the sweet girl she really is.

Ever since that day, when I saw her, she would steal the air from my lungs.

And that's when I couldn't deny it anymore. I knew she had something, that made me feel, apart from the jealously and anger, funny inside. And now I know that's the true reason why I hated her on the first place. Not because she kissed my boyfriend, not because she was the opposite of me. But because I felt… something towards her. Something big. And how dare her do that? How dare her appear out of nowhere, and then take my breath away?

"What do you think, Jade?" Suddenly Cat's voice says, pulling me away from my thoughts. Wait, if Cat is seating here, that means… Shit.

I looked up from my burrito, and there she was, her eyes on me, expecting an answer. All of a sudden I can't breathe, and those stupid butterflies start messing with my stomach, making me feel like throwing up.

"About..?" I ask, trying to sound as 'Jade' as possible.

"About the scene me and Tori did. Was it good?" Cat asks, with her childish voice.

"Yeah, sure." I didn't really pay attention to the scene. I just stared at Tori's butt the whole time. But I obviously wasn't gonna say that.

"Yay! See Tori, I told you!" Cat says and pokes Tori on the stomach. I feel like punching Cat.

They start talking again, and I just stand there, next to Beck, looking at my Burrito. I am not hungry anymore.

"Aren't you gonna eat Jade?" Beck asks, and I can feel Tori's stare from the corner of my eye. I open my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. "What's wrong? You harely eat lunch these days." He comments, and the girls nod.

"I'm just not hungry." I answer, and thankfully my voice sounds steady.

They just let it go, thank god. I don't really wanna say the truth. That the reason I'm not hungry is because of all of these butterflies in my stomach that make me feel extremely dizzy.

Tori starts talking, and I can feel my body tremble a little only by the sound of her voice. Ugh. Why does she has to be so damn hot? Why do I have to be so head over heels for her?

Now it got to the point when I have to bite my lip, craving_ hers_. I just can't take it. It's too much tension for me. My head is spinning, and I wish to just stop liking her. It would make everything so much easier. But, I know I don't really want to stop. As much as it's hard for me, I actually like the way she makes me feel, when I catch her staring at me. It's unlike anything I ever felt before. Stupid Tori Vega.

"I gotta go." I say and leave as fast as I can, not before catching a glimpse of her face, giving me that now all too familiar feeling.

It's just so hard for me to accept the fact that I'm crazy in love with her. I'm supposed to hate her. She is everything I hate. Nice and sweet. But somehow that quallities just make me like her even more.

No one can know about that. It would ruin everything. My reputation, my relationship with Beck, and the way people see me. Because I can't like girls. I'm a girl for God's sake. I can't be a… Well, I don't eve wanna say the word. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can't be like that. And Tori isn't like that anyways, I mean, she doesn't look like a man. Those kind of girls are just ugly, fat and look like man. Just discusting. I'm not like that.

I walk to the bathroom and put more make up on.

Perfect.

It seems like I'm putting a lot of effort to look that way usually. I pretend that I do it for myself, or for Beck, but I know it's for her. It's always for her.

I pause for a second to regain my composture, putting my Jade face on, like I always do. As I take a last look at the mirror, I hear the door flung open.

To my lucky, she walks in.

My eyes meet hers for a split second, and I feel a jolt go trough me. My body flinches a little and I look away, wrinkling my nose. And my play begins.

"Hey Jade." She says as sweetly as aways, and my heart skips a beat. She then looks at the floor and walks towards the sink.

I ignore her and pretend to be fixing my hair. Apparently she's doing the same thing. Only that she isn't pretending. She isn't as nervous as I am and she certanly doesn't give a shit about me being in this bathroom, while I'm struggling to breathe. Maybe is her being next to me, or maybe is the smell of her perfume that makes my head spin. Either way, I want to murder her for making me feel like that.

She turns to look at me. "Hey, did you hear what happened to Sikowits?"

I don't answer, just look at her with a bored face, then look away. Oh god, I'm so nervous I feel like trowing up.

"Apparently he got some kind of diasease from drinking too much coconut milk."

"Why am I not surprised?" I say and she chuckles.

Oh god, she's so fucking cute I can't help but smile a little.

My heart beats strongly when I notice she keeps staring at me. I mean, is there something in my face or what?

"What?" I ask in a mean tone, and she looks away like she's embaressed. Wait. Is she…blushing?

"Nothing." She says in the cuttest voice ever, and I feel that fire in my stomach starting to grow. My eyes travel to her lips. Gosh, I woud give everything to just kiss those lips. I would pull her close to me, press her beautiful body against mine, touch her, her face, her hips, her breasts. Make her moan and just kiss all over her body, until…

Suddenly the bell rings, interrupting my fantasie and she leaves the bathroom, allowing me to breath.

Man, I feel so ashemed right now. I can't fantasize about her body. I know I'm attracted to her, but it's not like I like breasts, or hips, or, you know what. I like men. I like guys chests, six packs, diks… Don't I?

**So, this is like, about Jade discovering her sexuallity and all that. Well, this story is actually pretty much hat happened to me, like, falling in love for the first time, with a girl, while I had a boyfriend. :/**

**Sorry if it sucks. Tell me if you want me to write more.**


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